Here, I am a GIANT



Me and Joel... Damn, I didn't realize
that Godzilla could shoot fire like that...
I think Joel has the advantage here.

I am only 5'4". I've never been referred to as tall or "statuesque." I will never get a phone call from Victoria's Secret asking me to wear a diamond-studded bra and matching thong in their next fashion show. My body type would best be described as "rounded at all edges." I'm not chubby, but there are parts of me that jiggle beyond my control. I resemble a stocky little bridge troll with my small feet, thick "Man Calves" (which make finding cute winter boots a bitch) and my short T-Rex arms. I once had a boyfriend tell me I was "unconventionally pretty." Ummm...thanks? (I think?)



But here in Guatemala, I am a giant. I mean it. The indigenous people here are very short and I am taller than most of them -- even the men. When Joel and I are at the market, I have no problem finding him in a crowd. (His Spanish genes ganged up on his Mayan genes and he grew to almost 6 feet tall.) If I am a giant, he is Godzilla. So that's it -- together we are Godzilla and Mothra, towering over the frightened villagers, making them scream and run for cover.

(Ok, they don't run and scream, but it's funny to think that they might.)


Godzilla Joel with his sister, Emma (in blue shirt)
and her daughters. Oh, by the way, Emma and her
daughters are very nice -- it's just that people
don't smile for pictures here. I dunno why.



And not only that, but I get lots of attention -- from men and women alike -- because I don't look like everyone else. Again, it's not that I'm a supermodel or a rock star. I just stand out. Most people here have dark hair, dark skin, dark eyes. (Although, strangely enough, there is a small group of albino indigenous people here, which is really unique.) I have reddish hair, light skin, and green eyes. The eyes get the most attention, but just a week or two ago, I had a deeeeelightfully gay man go ga-ga over my hair. He said, "Oh your hair -- it is lovely! I like it very much! It is bee-yoo-tee-ful! With your skin and eyes -- bee-yoo-tee-ful!" He touched my hair and explained that he was a hairdresser and his name was Fernando. I smiled and had to choke back my laughter at the obviousness of it all. Of course his name was Fernando...of course he was a hairdresser. Any other occupation or name would not have worked. So I am a big hit with gay Guatemalan hairdressers, if nothing else.

So, if you want to stand out in a crowd or feel really TALL, come visit us!

Until we meet again, stay thirsty my friends...