Semana Santa -- The biggest baddest Holy Week in Antigua

 

Invasion of the purple people!



Last time I partook in Semana Santa was a year ago and it was really just a fluke that we happened to be here at that particular time. I had no idea what I was in for. And since I'm not Catholic, I really didn't understand much of what I was seeing.  



This year, I'm still not Catholic, but I was a little better prepared. Well, at least I knew what to expect. CROWDS of people. Traffic stopped to allow the processions to sloooowly go by. Really cool man-made street carpets (called alfombras). Hoards of men and boys (called cucuruchos) dressed in purple robes. Ladies (called cargadoras) dressed in black and white with veils over their heads. And about 900 million gazillion camera-wielding idiots called Tourons -- part Tourist, part Moron. (I used to be one of them, so I'm allowed to poke fun. These days I am a reformed Touron.) (Or so I think.)



A big cucurucho carrying
a baby cucurucho.



I still have no clue about what's going on much of the time, but I'm pretty good at looking like I know what's happening. Basically, here's how it works... 

 Semana Santa is Antigua's Holy Week. It's not just Easter, but The Big Mac-Daddy, No Marshmallow Peeps Allowed, MEGA-Easter. The celebration in Antigua is huge and second in THE WORLD only to Spain. There are a lot of very big, very old, very Catholic churches in Antigua and each church sponsors it's own procession. Not only that, but each church also has its own Jesus and Mary. For example, one of the biggest and grandest churches is called La Merced. Their Jesus is Jesus Nazareno. Hermano Pedro Church's is Jesus Resucitado. Jesus Sepultado belongs to Cristo Church... and so on. So with each procession you will get one Jesus and one Mary float. Oh wait -- I used to call them floats -- as in parade floats -- but was told yesterday that I could be struck down by lightning for referring to them as such. They are called andas, not floats. (Get it right...or die by lightning.)



I scream, you scream,
we all scream for ice cream!



I've also learned that the people carrying the flo-- ooops, I mean ANDAS pay to do so. Yes, they pay to carry a very heavy anda around. Each anda is carried by anywhere from 60-132 people, depending on its size. The bigger the church, the more impressive the anda, the more cucuruchos needed... Yes, the andas are BIG, wooden, decorative and heeeaaavy. And if you want to carry the anda on a very public street where you will be seen by lots of your peers -- like around the park or near the church -- you pay MORE. Each procession lasts for 12 hours. People carry the andas in shifts and if you look at the pictures, you'll see little cards pinned to the front of their outfits. These cards tell each person when they are carrying the anda and what their place is. (Each spot along the sides of the anda has a number associated with it.) When a cucurucho isn't carrying the anda, he's free to roam the streets, so you'll often see these guys in their purple outfits hanging out in the park, eating an ice cream cone, puffing on a cigarette... Many of them choose to follow the procession route, which is why you see HUNDREDS of cucuruchos whenever there's a procession. Same with the cargadoras -- when they aren't carrying their smaller Virgin Mary anda, they are free to roam and do as they please.

Now, about these man-made street carpets called "alfombras." These are really cool. The biggest and most colorful ones are generally near the church sponsoring the procession. People put a lot of pride in making theirs the longest, most intricate, most colorful alfombra possible. It takes hours to create an alfombra and they can vary in size, but the biggies are somewhere around 35 feet long and 8 feet wide. Give or take. They are made using large wooden templates and are made entirely out of natural elements -- sawdust, sand, flowers, etc. Their sole purpose is to be lovingly and painstakingly created, looked upon in awe by the spectators (and the damn Tourons), then walked all over by the people carrying the andas. And 45 seconds after the procession is finished, the remnants are swept, scooped and shoveled into the bulldozers following behind the cucuruchos and cargadoras.

Here are a few pictures of an alfombra being born...

The guy on the far right is spraying water on the sawdust to keep it from blowing away...

Kneeling on a piece of cardboard on a cobblestone street... OUCH!  

Boards are placed across the alfombras so the workers can create the center designs.

It's slowly but surely coming along...

Stiiiiiill working...



Whatever you do... DON'T sneeze!

And drumroll, please... The finished alfombra!



Ta-daaa! Isn't it incredible? Hard to believe it's mostly sawdust, huh?
And see the smoke at the end of the street? That's the incense
from the approaching procession. The smell of that incense gets into
your nose and clings to your nose hairs for HOURS. Ugh.



OH! I forgot to mention the bands. Imagine the most depressing music you've ever heard. Now imagine it playing almost non-stop for 12 hours. I realize the whole idea of these processions is to demonstrate Jesus' suffering, and I also realize they can't play something lively and upbeat like the Charleston, but duuuuuude. Seriously. It's the most droning, depressing music ever played. It was surely written by someone who forgot to take their Prozac and was having a really bad day.

I taped one of the processions just so y'all could get a feel for the the passion, the dedication and the sheer volume of PEOPLE who come to and participate in this event. I cut this video waaay down (believe me, it was a lot longer) but if 3:12 minutes is too long for you, feel free to skip it and get on with your life. 

 



You thought I was kidding about the
Hello Kitty balloons, didn't you? Hmmm?
The bulldozer behind me is cleaning up the
alfombra that took all day to create. *sigh*

And after each procession, what should follow? VENDORS. Yes, vendors selling an amusing assortment of everything from Semana Santa puppets, to pinwheels, to sunglasses, to cotton candy, to balls, to foam lizards, to Hello Kitty balloons. And what could possibly represent Jesus' suffering better than a Hello Kitty balloon? Noooothiiiing. Right? (Stand back... I might get hit by that lightning after all...)

So there you have it -- Semana Santa in Antigua Guatemala. Like I said, it's a VERY big deal here. And we're all very eager for the Tourons to go home. (Except the pickpockets -- the Tourons are easy targets.)

So until we meet again, Happy Easter -- and stay thirsty my friends! And please save some of those Reese's Peanut Butter eggs for me -- yummmm!