Introducing: The Nightmare Bug! ((barrrf!))

"Barf?" you ask.

Yes, BARF. Barfity-barf-barrrrf.

This is the story of The Nightmare Bug.

This image was taken from the blog of a woman who
lives in Antigua. (Not me.) She, too, has experienced
The Nightmare Bug. I feel her pain.

I had seen one of these before, when the gas man mistakenly removed the cover to the water tank, thinking it was where the gas tank goes... He opened the cement lid and there it was -- a Nightmare Bug, clinging to the side of the water tank, just hanging out. It was the scariest bug I had ever seen. It had a flat body, long legs and even longer antennae. It was the stuff nightmares are made of. Children of the world need not be afraid of the Boogeyman any longer -- I've found something MUCH more scary.

The gas man and I exchanged an "EeeEEEEeeeEEeeeew" (by the way, "eeeew" does not need to be translated -- it is universal) and he picked up a broken branch and started whacking at The Nightmare Bug. The bug, startled from his sleep, scampered away, moving further down the hole. I told the gas man, it's ok, no need to kill it, just put the cover back on and I won't have to ever see it again.

But I was wrong. Oh, so very, very wrong.



This man is obviously high on crack.
There is no other explanation for his behavior.

 A couple days ago, I was getting ready for bed and saw something on the floor. I got closer and -- HOLY $#!* -- it was The Nightmare Bug! Lola, the rescue dog we're fostering, was with me and even she was afraid of it. (She's small -- easy prey for this bug.) Lola looked and me and said, "You're on your own -- I'm outta here," and left the room. I went to grab a magazine, afraid to leave the bug alone for too long (I mean, how freaked out would YOU be if you left the room, came back 15 seconds later and it was GONE?) and was relieved to see it was still there, slowly walking around... This thing was even scarier than I remembered it. It's antennae alone are HUGE -- I mean at least 4 inches long. It had 6 legs and it was unlike anything I'd ever seen before, which made it even scarier. I can handle beetles, spiders and flying bugs no problem. But freaky alien bugs from hell? No way. Noooo waaaay.

My plan was to coax The Nightmare Bug on to the magazine then toss that bad boy outside, then lock and barricade the door. (In case it knows how to pick locks.)

But things did not go according to plan.

The Nightmare Bug got away.

Hard as I tried to get that bug to climb on the magazine, it figured out my devious plan and scampered quickly toward the back wall, where there is a built-in bookcase. It managed to scoot it's giant body between the wall and the bookcase -- where I couldn't reach it.



I found this picture online. This poor kid is going to need
some serious therapy after this ordeal.



Oh damn. Damn damn damn damn DAAAMN. Needless to say, every night I turn on the lights and check over near the bookcase to see if The Nightmare Bug has made an appearance.

From what I've read online, these are called Giant Tailless Whipscorpions and according to one website, "They have a gentle disposition. Though they are harmless, these bizarre-looking creatures are fast and agile and somewhat delicate. They can pinch with their claws but rarely do, choosing to run away instead."

Oooh goodie! So I have a friendly, harmless creature with claws -- but chooses not to use them -- living about 6 feet from where I sleep. Yaaay for me! And guess what? A lot of the websites out there give hints on how to keep these as PETS. This thing? A pet? The Nightmare Bug as a PET? You have got to be kidding me. The world is full of crazy people.

Ok, so who wants to come visit? Anyone? Anyone?

Until we meet again, be on the lookout for creepy bugs and stay thirsty, my friends!